How to Write the Everyday American Novel

All Americans should be white

from European descent and rich

having lots of money

lots of clothes

lots of food

everything in abundance


Americans all possess the latest technology

boasting about iphones, ipads, itouches

50” plasma tvs and 2010 camaros

If you do not own one Apple product, you are not considered American


Every American loves fast food

juicy, fat-filled quarter pounder hamburgers

with drinks the size of bricks

and fries that never decompose

They eat that for breakfast, lunch, and dinner


Americans love to watch football and baseball

The supporters of other sports are incompetent and do not know what a “real” sport is

because watching people get tackled

and run around a diamond is where all the action is at


All Americans have it easy

their country is free

All Americans go to college

they get a better education

they can acquire better jobs

and make more money

being an American there’s no pressure

no stress

everything is perfect and free

it’s the “All American dream”


In the end other countries will take over

because Americans have too much freedom

and too many possessions


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